I was contemplating the arrival of Sophie today – as I have been doing for the past 9 months – and something occurred to me.  My daughter will grow up in a very different world.

She will be born in a post-iPad era.  Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn… hell, THE INTERNET would have always existed.  The Internet.

Email will probably be a thing of the past by the time she is old enough to use it.  Computers would have always existed as well.

She will probably give me hell about having ever listened to music on CDs… just like I gave my Dad a hard time about eight-tracks.  I remember how funny they seemed to me then.

Sophie will enter a world without the Twin Towers.  9/11 will not be stuck in her psyche like it is mine.  Perhaps that has become the JFK moment of my generation.

It is unlikely that she will ever greet a visitor at the gate as they depart an airplane – I barely remember it now.

Computers won’t be something she has to learn… they will just be a part of life.  A Comodore 64 (and the accompanying 64 kilobytes of computation power) will seem like a joke!

Dial-up will be a thing of the past.  Wireless Internet will be an expectation (everywhere!).  Receiving AOL CDs in the mail to promote the Internet will be laughable.  Floppy disks… pffft!

Jobs Boards, Skype, Cloud Computing, in-flight wireless connectivity – they all happened before her arrival.

The U.S.S.R. – a thing of history books.

The European Union would have always existed.

An African American President of the United States… it already happened.

My daughter’s life will be very different from mine.  As I think about the past 31 years and the changes I’ve witnessed… it’s hard to conceive of what she may discover.  It’s exciting and mind-boggling!

What do you think the next generation should be aware of?  What changes do you anticipate?

“Tomorrow will give us something to think about” – Marcus Tullius Cicero

It’s full speed ahead with Daddy sappiness for me!

I’ve looked forward to having children for quite some time now, so this entire experience has been pretty amazing!

Kelly is progressing well with the pregnancy and we had our first 4D Ultrasound performed this past week at BabyVision in San Antonio, TX.  They were fantastic and it was an amazing experience to see Sophie moving around in full 4D motion.  Kelly is currently 29 weeks pregnant, so we are getting close!

I’ve chopped, diced and remixed the video a bit, as it was nearly 15 minutes long.  I’ve also added some Coldplay   The song is called Til Kingdom Come and it comes from Coldplay’s X&Y album – a great one to pick up!

So, here she is!

Click here to view the embedded video.

Soon, and to completely embrace my current mixed obsession with our baby and technology, I’m going to put out a post on some of the cool tools available for new parents!

I feel blessed.

Her name is Sophie and she will arrive towards the end of September.  As I feel for her movements on the surface of Kelly’s stomach, I’m reminded of how many changes I’ve experienced over the past seven months… and how many more I will go through in the coming years.

Kelly and I met last year during a social media Recruiting conference in Canada.

Prior to the event, I only knew her casually on Twitter.  I think our first interaction had something to do with stealing a lonely cookie from a co-worker’s desk.  Ben Eubanks and I were encouraging her to go for it – #randomness.

As I walked through the doors of the conference that day, I remember spotting Kelly and having the strangest feeling come over me.  Here was this spunky, fun-loving, highly spirited girl from Buffalo, NY whom I’d never met before.  Yet, I ignored the entire 100+ person group, walked straight to her and gave her a hug.  I don’t know why, I just did.

I felt then as I feel now… I had met my soul mate.

The best way I can describe it is to have you imagine reuniting with someone that you love dearly, you’ve missed endlessly and that you’ve felt incomplete without.  It’s something I can’t fully put into words, but it hit me over the head (and heart) like a ton of bricks.  It was magic!

Timing, Timing, Timing

Unfortunately, that magic moment came with a certain amount of complexity.  My life was in a state of flux.

For many years leading up to that day, I had been struggling in my marriage.  Like so many relationships, my partner and I had experienced our highs and lows.  A few months prior to the conference, I had reached my tipping point and knew it was finally time to move on.

We had split up before on a couple of occasions – once even before getting married in 2000 and again in 2006 after the “lows” reached an all time high.

After the 2006 break-up, and within months of us agreeing to give it another shot, we moved to Texas so that she could pursue a promotion.  Unfortunately, geography and time weren’t the cure and problems started to creep back in.

That said, we had been together since the age of 17.  We had built a history together and enjoyed some pretty significant moments.  Living abroad in Argentina, going through college, buying our first house, starting our careers – the list goes on and on.

Comfort is a powerful force in relationships.  I’ve seen it in others and I witnessed it myself.  Perhaps it’s the comfort of knowing what to expect… the unknown can be a scary place.  I attribute the length of my past relationship, in large part, to this factor.  We had spent nearly half of our lives together – this was someone I had grown up with.

Unfortunately, comfort doesn’t cure dysfunction and at the age of 30, I knew I had to make some hard decisions.  So, I created a list.

• Family – I had wanted children for 8 years and she still wasn’t ready.  I wasn’t confident that she ever would be.
• Priorities – Often times, it felt like the pursuit of material possessions took precedence over being grateful for what we had – nothing ever seemed good enough and that really conflicted with my values.
• Personalities – She was always very stable while I enjoyed taking risks.  I tend to live in the now and she was very calculated.  This caused major friction.
• Dispositions – She is very intellectual and I’m very creative.  I’m very social and she enjoyed time to herself.  It ended up as a tug-o-war.

Thinking back, for the longest time, I really bought into the idea that opposites attract.  I was under the impression that opposing qualities were what led to a stronger pairing… differences were to be seen as compliments.  In reality, the differences created friction, which led to misunderstandings, which led to a communication breakdown and, ultimately, a breakdown in the relationship.

She had everything society conditioned me to look for: beauty, ambition, intelligence and success.  In the end, it was a matter of value alignment and ours were too far apart for a successful marriage to thrive.

Turbulent Transition

Change is hard.

When it comes to matters of the heart, everything is infinitely more complex.  Of course, if I didn’t care, it may have been easy.  But, I did.

As I did my part to prepare for the split (financial preparation, taking counsel with people I trust, etc…), I started to find a new level of self-acceptance from making a decision.  This led to accepting my spouse in a different way.  I finally realized that it wasn’t just about me being happy – we both needed to find our own way.

For however much our values were misaligned, I knew that someone out there would be a perfect match for both of us.  It may seem minor, but this conclusion was very alleviating.  I knew it was best for us both – even if she wouldn’t see it that way in the beginning.

She deserved to be with someone that valued her for all of the fantastic attributes she brings to the table.  I too wanted to find someone who valued me for me.

A couple of weeks before I was ready to deliver the news, I took the trip to Canada.  I already explained what happened when I entered the conference.  However, despite the feelings, I knew it would be complicated.  A plethora of thoughts went through my head:

• People don’t know I’m about to file for divorce… this is going to be hard to explain.
• I don’t want people to think that Kelly is trying to steal away a married man – that’s not how this happened nor how she deserves to be perceived.
• Wow, this is going to be complicated!
• I really don’t want my spouse to be confused as to why I’m filing for divorce.
• Is this a sign?
• This has to be a sign.
• I’m in charge of my own happiness.
• The people who know and care will understand.

As soon as I arrived back to San Antonio, I started the final processes.  Two weeks later, I delivered the news and moved out of the house.

I hate hurting people’s feelings.  While I knew it was the right thing to do, I felt like a major failure.

About a week later, she brought Kelly up in a conversation.  I again explained what my reasons were for leaving, but I fear that they have since been overshadowed.  It’s really unfortunate.

Since filing in October, my life has been a roller coaster.  What was originally expected to conclude by December has stretched on.  Seven months, multiple court appearances, four lawyers, hundreds of emails and thousands of pages of discovery documents… not fun.  The emotional highs and lows have been tremendous.

Why Am I Sharing Now?

My writing and creativity have been seriously impacted.  I wasn’t sure what to write or how to convey the emotions I was experiencing.  Discussing recruitment topics seemed secondary to what was really on my mind.  I’ve found that I enjoy writing about lessons I’m living – this wasn’t one that was easy to convey.

I’ve definitely come up with plenty of blog posts – perhaps for sharing down the road.

• Twitter In The Courtroom
• Divorce in the Age of Social Media
• Why Facebook Created “It’s Complicated”
• I Love Hate Love Hate Love Lawyers
• 10 Ways To Lose Your Ass In A Divorce
• Lessons I’ve Learned From Failing At Marriage

In all seriousness, since originally disclosing this situation back in October, many things have occurred.  At the time, I said:

“I am personally challenged with owning an authentic voice comprised of only partial reality and experience.”

That feeling still exists.

In addition, lawyers and friends suggested that I keep the topic off of Twitter, Facebook, my blog and other outlets until a conclusion had been reached.  While this hasn’t completely been the case, I’ve pretty much gone dormant with the issue.  That stance, however, no longer seems like the right thing to do.

Kelly and I are having a baby and it’s a very exciting time in our lives.  I realized the other day when she said, “It’s too bad I can’t announce my baby shower on Facebook.” that this situation has all but eliminated both of our abilities to openly enjoy this experience.

For however challenging my situation ends up being, it doesn’t seem fair to Kelly, her family, my family or our friends across the country to not share in this time with us.  And, let’s face it; the baby is coming whether the attorneys can sort this out or not.

Life hasn’t always gone as planned, but I still want to enjoy and celebrate the good things.  Regardless of the challenges this presents, I still feel blessed…

I feel blessed for having Kelly in my life. Even though she didn’t cause my marriage to fail, she has been put under an intense amount of legal scrutiny.  All the while, she has been a rock for me – even when going through a very difficult first trimester with Sophie.  You are my soul mate Kelly and I love you!

I feel blessed for my future daughter. I’ve looked forward to Sophie for years and I’m so very grateful to be having her enter our lives.  You are a gift Sophie and I promise to have some red shoes waiting for you

I feel blessed for having an amazing family. They’ve listened to the ups and downs for months and I know it’s been hard.  They’ve accepted Kelly into the family and I can’t wait for what the future holds.

I feel blessed for having fantastic friends. Y’all know who you are.  Thank you for lending your shoulders and giving me the support I needed.  It means the world to me.

I feel blessed for my experiences. This hasn’t been easy and I’m sure I have some rough patches ahead.  Nonetheless, I’m learning and I intend to grow as a result of this time period in my life.

Time marches forward.  I learn, I grow, I fall, I get back up.  I’m on a journey and I feel blessed.

At the beginning of April, I put out a post promising to shave my head if we could raise 2k for a friend’s breast cancer treatment.

In about 2 1/2 weeks, the money had been raised.  So, without further ado, here is the video of me going bald.  Special thanks to Veronica Ludwig for her constant support of great causes (including this one) and to Kelly Mitton for stepping in and shaving my head!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICclUIn5PzU

Stay strong Kimberly!

“True friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not.” – Unknown

Veronica Ludwig is one of my dearest friends.  You know, one of those friends you can count on one hand.  If you haven’t met or interacted with her online, I encourage you to do so.  In Veronica, you will find nothing less than in-your-face openness and honesty.  Further, she has one of the biggest hearts around and it’s evidenced by her actions.

It came to my attention that Veronica is trying to help a friend in need – a friend who has fought a severe battle with breast cancer and needs a hand.

Kimberly Tessa’s Story

What follows is a brief overview of the situation with Kimberly.

“At age 33 Kimberly Tessa’s life was put on “hold” for an aggressive form of breast cancer. As a Stage 3 the fight would consist of a mastectomy of her left breast, chemotherapy, radiation and 2 reconstructive surgeries. One year later she was considered cancer free.

Just shy of two years cancer free Kimberly was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer in her left lung. Each doctor’s visit she feared to hear those eternal words “I’m sorry, you’re terminal” but with each consultation her fear dissipated and hope began to grow. They were able to remove the tumor during surgery which was followed with an aggressive round of chemotherapy. Today she is on her second round of chemotherapy waiting to hear “cancer free” again.

I created this website for Kim in an effort to raise awareness, and to raise money. Money that will not only help to save an amazing life, but hopefully be able to replenish what has already been exhausted. A volunteer committee is currently being formed in Chicago to plan a fundraiser for Kim. We are also accepting donations online. If you’re in a position to help, please go to www.KimberlyTessa.com for more details about Kim.”

What you don’t see is that Kimberly dedicated 9 years of her life as a member of the Armed Forces with the U.S. Navy.

For the record, Veronica did not ask me to blog about this topic, I felt compelled to.

My Grandmother, Rhea Wright, fought cancer for many years.  She won 5 out of the 6 times and, despite her having moved on to a better place, I still applaud her courage.  Breast cancer was among the battles she won and I’d love to see Kimberly do the same!

So, let’s help her out!

There are a few things that you can do:

1. Donate to the cause.  They are working to raise $2,000 and have already collected over $300.  Chip in what you would have spent on coffee today.
2. Spread the word through social networking channels.  Send a Tweet or add a Facebook status update with her website http://kimberlytessa.com.
3. Write a blog post and link to her website.

Remind the important women in your life that you love them.  They do, after all, make it possible for each of us to come in to this world!

It’s easy to sit back and say “That’s too bad.”  I encourage you to take one small step (any of those listed above) and help Kimberly make it through this.

I’ll even sweeten the deal.

If we can get to the $2,000 mark by the end of this month (April, 2010), I’ll shave my head, videotape it and share it with the world here on my site!

Thank you Kimberly for your service to this country and the ongoing example of bravery you show us all!

Before leaving for South America when I was 18, I went up to the local music store and bought a guitar.  It was a starter instrument, but I figured it would due for learning.  Knowing that I would have some time on my hands, I wanted to pick up something new -- the guitar seemed like a fun new hobby to focus on.

A year later, I returned to the U.S. absolutely taken with the instrument and music as a whole.  In fact, I was so excited about it that I systematically convinced my Dad, Brother and a number of friends to start learning.

My particular music interest was heavily focused on Flamenco.  A year later, I got a tattoo of a Flamenco dancer on my back.

I guess it’s just a sense of enthusiasm mixed with transparency… dashed with a fascination for the world.  When I’m happy, you’ll know it.  When I’m not, you’ll know it too.

When I starting working as a consultant with Rackspace back in September of 2009, my life, leading up to that moment, had been pretty hectic.

I had spent the prior year experimenting in a field that had yet to be clearly defined.  Along with some of the great successes I felt that year, I had also been dealing with a number of personal challenges.  Mentally balancing the successes with the setbacks was a constant stress.

Bring on the Strengths

I remember receiving the results to my Clifton StrengthsFinder evaluation.  As with other personality tests I had taken in the past, my level of skepticism about the accuracy was real.  With that said, I also knew that every desk at Rackspace had a list of each Racker’s “Strengths” on it, so I was very interested to know what all the fuss was about.

Long story short, the results of my evaluation did nothing less than change my life.

StrengthsFinder offered me the opportunity to understand myself on a deeper level – a level that removed the fear of weakness that our culture has created and instead focused on what I was naturally great at.  As important, I was working with a group of people who understood and embraced these ideas.

Rackers embraced my Strengths and helped me understand how to use them.

Instead of being someone who was too quick to make decisions, I was an Activator – someone you go to when you need to get things done quickly.

I wasn’t a daydreamer, I was a Futurist – someone who can concoct images of the future and use them to create new paths and innovate.

I wasn’t a social butterfly on a mission to bug everyone – I had Woo, which helped me make new connections with strangers and build networks.

As I went through additional StrengthsFinder training with Kathy Kersten, the message became clear that I will never be the best at what I’m weakest at – however, I have a chance to be the best at what comes natural to me.

Rackspace, as a Strengths-Based culture, opened doors to this new way of thinking and enabled me to be myself.   It was a moment of extreme clarity.

I most certainly owe Rackspace and the many Rackers who helped me along the way for this shift.  To know your strengths is one thing, to have a team around you who “gets it” is another.  It takes both.

Day 1 at SxSW

My first official day as a Racker was March 15^th – right in the middle of SxSW.

While at the conference on Sunday, a colleague told me that a tattoo artist would be in our booth.  Jokingly, I thought “What if I got a Rackspace tattoo?”

Crazy as it may have seemed, I thought about it more and started to like the idea.

1. Rackspace had made a profound impact on my life.
2. It was my first official day as a Racker.
3. My job role is to head up Global Talent Branding – get it, branding…
4. Mom would approve.

So, the next day, I sat down at the booth with the crowds walking by and had Daniel Upton from Dandyland do it.

Here’s the video, which was created by Marcus Jordan from Rackspace.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpgX-nMmCf4

I don’t believe in doing things halfway.  You’re either in, or you’re not.  Perhaps it’s that Activator coming out.  If you’re not willing to live it, you shouldn’t be doing it – whatever that might be.

Of course, getting a tattoo was my own choice and my own way of living it – not something I would expect for everyone.  My hope is simply that you find your own tattoo moment and go for it!

As far as answering the question, “What are you going to do if you ever leave Rackspace?” I’m not worried about it.  The tattoo represents an exciting time period in my life that I want to remember – a time of great self-acceptance and commitment to truly living my passions.

Have you committed to living your passion?  How did you make that transition?

Special thanks to John Zappe from ERE for his write up on my tattoo moment and our new Talent Portal launch!

I mess up a lot.  In fact, it’s a daily occurrence.

I can’t remember the last time I ended the day saying to myself… “Wow Michael, that was a perfect day!”

Wouldn’t that be something!

Every day brings a series of challenges, failures and successes.  Over the years, I’ve learned that it has everything to do with the way I accept or reject those ingredients.

Come to think of it, my definition of perfection has really shifted over the years.  Whereas the ideal of a perfect day used to mean that nothing would go wrong – now the perfect 24 hour period includes a few bumps in the road… a few opportunities to reflect and ask “What could I have done differently?”

No mistakes, no lessons.  No lessons, no improvement.  No improvement… stagnancy – YUCK!

Alicia Arenas Keeps It Real

I don’t usually blog about blogs… in fact, I think I may have only done it once or twice.

I read a post today by Alicia Arenas from Sanera (one of our guest bloggers).  She wrote a great piece titled “Alicia 1 Perfectionism 0″.  Go read it!

Over the past year, Alicia has become quite a blogger.  I respect her style and approach because it’s real, it means something and she doesn’t pretend to know all of the answers.  Her advice comes from the perspective of a person that truly cares… and I think that you can sense that once you read her work.

Perhaps this is why Alicia and I are friends.  We both care enough to be real with one another… failures and successes on full display.

Your style is refreshing Alicia!  Keep it up!

So… what’s the value in highlighting your failures?

If you want to find people who talk about doing things the right way, you won’t have to look far.

Go to Google and look for “How To” (in quotes) – if you’re feeling lazy, I’ll make it easy… 704,000,000 results.

Now try it again by entering “How Not To” – 42,000,000 results.

Let’s face it, people don’t usually like to talk about what went wrong – it requires personal and public accountability… scary stuff!  “How Not To” would require a whole bunch of the ingredients we all too often dread.

But, I challenge you to this.  Think back through all of your memorable or meaningful relationships.  Further, think about the people that you respect or admire.

Were they always right?  Or, were they the people who gave you the truth and opened up… even if that meant exposing their imperfections?

For me, it’s always been the later.  Those were the people who taught me something of value… not to mention the positive examples of humility.

Life changes quickly and the surprises are endless.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve bounced up against the walls of adversity a few times in the process.  I’m all the better for the lessons and appreciative to friends like Alicia for embracing the beauty of reality.

Ever notice how imperfect a rose is?  Amazing isn’t it

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who presumed to know all the right answers?  What was your lasting impression?

Photo Credit, digital cat 

Magnet, Nebraska - 1915 - Great Grandmother Catherina Magdalene (Kahl) Arp, Grandmother Leona Louise (Arp) Long and Great Uncle Carl Detlof Arp

Back in the mid-90’s, my Dad dedicated a substantial amount of time researching our family tree and history.

I remember this time period very vividly as he would always show up with some new evidence of our past – perhaps a tracing of a headstone from some remote cemetery on the East Coast or a picture that he found in a distant relative’s home… He even went so far as hiring researchers in Europe to explore very specific records that he could not access via the Internet.

Needless to say, he was VERY committed to the project!

While the tangible return of this time investment became a true family tree, the more important return became a lesson that my Dad learned.

He learned that while a person can usually be traced back through time and hung on a family tree, it’s often difficult to gain a true understanding around who they are or how they thought.  I have a feeling that my Dad pondered this for quite some time.

As a result, he committed to something that has become very special to my family.  He has written us kids a letter, almost weekly, since 2001.

In his own words:

“The tradition of writing a letter to my children started in the fall of 2001 when they were grown enough to be scattered around the country.  Having dabbled in family genealogy for some years prior, it occurred to me that generations to come are usually left with knowing very little about their ancestors.  So to leave something behind other than just a dash between my birth date and death date was one motivator, the other was to share relevant thoughts for the times.”

Dad Meets Social Media

Back in August, I decided to build a simple blog site for my Dad.  I wasn’t sure if he would be willing to share his letters openly, but I thought it would be really cool if he did.

For starters, he shares an interesting perspective – one that has been shaped and molded by influences that stem from before my time.  I may not be able to experience history, but I can definitely learn about it from someone who has.

Further, my Dad is a Dad.  I feel fortunate to still have my Dad in my life, but many people do not.  It’s always nice to have the perspective of a contemplative father-figure.  Over the years, a number of individuals have requested to be added to the list of people who receive the weekly letter… why not add more?

Finally, as it aligns with social media, my Dad shares thoughts and contemplates ideas that are, often times, relevant to our world.  While his perspective could stay contained to a short list of email recipients, I think that it’s worthy of being voiced.  Right or wrong… he still has a perspective that others can learn from.

A recent post, and the heated comments that followed, reinforced the relevance of “perspective”.  The potential for different generations to learn from one another is of great value and should be a positive experience.  While not everyone agrees with this… I continue to see the value and it’s evident that others do as well.

So, long story condensed, Dad started posting his weekly letters to his new blog site – http://weekendletter.com.  Here is the link:

For those of you who already have children, consider writing them a letter filled with your perspectives on life.  While I can’t be 100% certain about the impact it will have on your children, I can absolutely attest to how special the letters from Dad have been to me.  Thank you Dad!

What traditions do you keep with your children?

When your great-grandchildren ask about you, will your grandchildren be able to respond?

Driving along I-10 in New Mexico at 4:30 AM on December 20th, I was witness to something scary.  A car spinning out of control and flipping off the main highway onto the side access road… eventually landing on its roof.

If you’ve never seen a car flip, it’s quite a sight… especially when it’s not happening on purpose.

As I stopped our vehicle on the shoulder, I turned to Kelly Mitton and asked her to wait behind.  Having personally encountered tragedy after an automobile accident in the past, I wasn’t sure what I was about to see.  It’s a scary moment.

Probability

The probability was that a car traveling at over 70 mph, spinning out of control and eventually flipping to a halt on a road 40 feet away would result in death.  I asked Kelly to wait behind because the probabilities in my head calculated a bad result.

Miracle

As I ran up to the car expecting the worst, I quickly noticed movement – a sign of life.  In rapid succession, a Father, Mother and a 1 1/2 year old baby boy emerged from the vehicle… nearly unscathed.  The baby was smiling.

The End Result

Some might consider it a karmic payback of sorts… others may depend on the science and probabilities.  Call it what you will… I call it a Christmas Miracle!

As the Holidays come to a close and we move into 2010, just remember to be grateful.  Life might not always be perfect, but you are alive and you have the opportunity to live a miracle every single day!

P.S. The picture didn’t turn out very well… but, it is of the flipped car.

So, the original plan was to cross into Canada to see Niagara Falls.  Unfortunately, and fortunately, the U.S. Border Patrol is pretty strict about having appropriate documentation.  After an hour of questioning, we were finally able to get back into the U.S.

The great news is that I finally saw Niagara Falls and it was amazing!  Here is a short video from in front of the falls.  I wasn’t sure what to say -- I really just wanted to share what I was seeing.  Enjoy!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYlTS4jsdPM

Apparently, I forgot how cold it gets up North.  Lesson learned.  I’m now the proud owner of new gloves and a Buffalo Bills hat!